09/01/04

If it’s not at least 12 font, I can’t read it.

And I’m not about to try.

If you don’t jack the car up right, you’re gonna get crushed.

What’s up with rotating tires?

I want a 75,000 mile warrantee that lasts me until I’m dead.

You don’t have to put out if you don’t want to.

But you do if you want to be friends with Kellen.

Why is summer only three months long, that’s when I get all my work done.

Why does society want me to tie my shoes?

A symbol can be yours for the price of freedom.

I bought a John Grisham book for a dollar.

I’ve actually seen Dumb and Dumberer, twice.

Late night TV makes me want knives.

If you put commas in sentences, they generally last longer.

I want to buy stock in something that’s gonna go nowhere.

More people should like what I like.

Cement lasts longer if you keep it moist after you pour it, it’s true.

Why are dictionaries different sizes? I mean, come on.

Leather pants are expensive, but they look delicious.

My computer freezes up for 7 seconds at a time, just to keep me in line.

Why do weathermen get paid?

I wish I lived in Mississippi.

You know I’m kidding.

75 percent of the earth is water, but humans still don’t have gills.

Come on evolution, give me something I can work with.

What is up with babies and tube rides?

Why lock the doors by the kindergarten, those kids aren’t going anywhere.

I like Tony Bennett, and I’m not afraid to admit it.

People that whine shouldn’t get what they want.

If you drink wine, you live longer.

That’s why there’s so many damn bums around.

By Nic Barnett